I hate all girls vehemently.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
