and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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