And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
