I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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