i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Randomize
