Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
