going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
