I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
