i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
