I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am midnight drunk by noon
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
