She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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