you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
