it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
