I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
