My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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