just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
