wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
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Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
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I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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