i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
