So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
