whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
