Screwed.edu
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
