Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
