Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
