Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
