chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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