you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
