All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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