so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
