16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I smell like Dick and happiness
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
