I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My bed smells like the plague
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
