The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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