I accidentally burped into my bong.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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