i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
