i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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