i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
