"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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