Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
