Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
