her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
