And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
