Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
