I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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