By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
