Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
