it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
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The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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