I met the friendliest cop last night
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize