Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
