What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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