The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
