Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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