Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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