Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
