I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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