My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
