oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my sisters under your porch take her home
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
