So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
