I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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