I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.