I have demons in me.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...