everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.