We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just want nice things and good sex
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood