My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
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If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
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I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.