It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
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guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
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I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem