and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.