I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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