He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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