What a fucking waste of an outfit
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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