I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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