Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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