it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
