i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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