I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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