How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
