new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.