He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
